It is quite normal and frequent to see one spouse in charge of most of the finances/investing and the other spouse in charge of the household, children’s activities etc.
As archaic or old fashion as this may sound, you would be surprised how many of my clients fit this profile. It’s not because one is necessarily better at it than the other, it’s just easier to split the responsibilities especially when one or both parties work full or part time jobs and we also know that too many cooks in the kitchen never works out.
This said, it doesn’t mean that because you are not responsible for the bills/ investments that you don’t participate in the financial decisions that impact your family or that you don’t show an interest in where the money is spent or invested.
How many times have you heard or seen elderly couples where the husband or wife dies and the survivor spouse knows nothing about their financial situation, doesn’t know where the money is, no idea of the passwords, no idea of the debt load, doesn’t know how to pay the bills, where or with whom they do all their banking…
The same applies for Separation and divorces. Often the spouse who was not involved with the money ends up completely in the dark as to where the money has been spent, where it was invested or how much of it is currently available. This becomes complicated and can also be very expensive when mediators or lawyers need to calculate their Net Family Property, as spouses need to rely on each other to produce “full financial disclosure”. Some of it can be “traced” but some or a lot of it can be hidden. It’s finding the hidden ones that can be extremely costly, as this requires hours of investigations, sending subpoenas to financial institutions, or hiring experts, such as forensic accountants, financial advisors etc…
Let’s face it, when your marriage breaks down and especially when you have been hurt or betrayed, when you have worked your entire life for your pension/retirement, you may not be so inclined to give it all up, especially to the person who caused you this hardship. Temptation may often greater when you know your spouse is completely unaware of the family financials.
How to avoid this situation, to all the couples out there, young and “older or wiser” I say, there is nothing wrong with sharing responsibilities just make sure you make time to sit down and talk on a regular basis about finances, meet with financial advisors together to discuss your family’s short term or long term financial goals and future. Make decisions together, be aware and even if you are not interested or could not care less about money or numbers, at least be informed so that you are prepared if something happens whether it be a sickness, a death or a separation/divorce. Do it for yourselves but also for your children.
Getting informed, involved or simply being aware of your family’s financials will save you a lot of pain, money, stress and will hopefully also help you preserve relationships later.
One last thing, never, ever sign documents or agree to anything whether it be verbally or in writing, unless you did your homework first, always talk to a mediator, lawyer or financial advisor first. Signed documents are legally binding, beware of texts, emails, voice mails as they can also be held against you later in mediation or court litigation.
